LOVEFiLM

Its been a good mule to me, in the year I have owned my account. I have caught up on films that I would usually never have bothered to watch like "The Graduate" and "Moon" but now I feel as though it has come to the end of its useful lifespan. Make way for the revolution, unlimited online streaming (that looks even more shitty than it sounded in my head). I am turning in my "LOVEFiLM" account for a "Netflix" badboy, and not just because the appropriate use of capitalization. There are many features of the LF account that I already prefer. I like the fact that the films came on discs through the post. I like getting post, it makes me feel important. This was however a poisoned chalice, because other people have had the very same discs sent to there homes, which meant the discs looks like they had been loaded into the player with a chainsaw. And having to wait 3 days to see if (*SPOILERS) Joe Pesci's would survive being buried alive in Casino was excruciating. Netflix have gone for a different approach, you pay a monthly charge and watch as much as you like, so it feels like stealing except your paying for it, like porn, except your paying for it. Online streaming isn't all plain sailing though (see what I did there?) because of what I like to call "rural broadband". So it seems there is no winning.

Drive

It's well violent! Don't be fooled by the Pretty in Pink titles and the even prettier Ryan Gosling, this film has some real nastiness. That's what makes it so spectacular, because of the contrast between the calm and silence at the start of the film and the grotesque brutality throughout the second half. I loved it, one to watch definitely.

127 Hours

I don't like Danny Boyle, but this film surprised me. To be fair, I think it's probably slightly better that bowel cancer, probably.

Captain America. The First Avenger.

If you are considering watching this may I suggest to try something else instead. That would be flossing with your own pubic hair whilst it is still attached to your groin.
This may seem like an bizarre suggestion but I think it would be better on many levels. Firstly it will be visually superior because it won't look like some computer science students bedroom wall covered in vintage comic book bollocks, it could look like some strange performance art (probably not, but it might). It will definitely be more intellectually stimulating, trying to work out a body position to getting you head down there, instead of something that has the tension and emotional connection of passing wind. Finally you won't have to look at "Steve Rogers'" pecks for an hour and a half, instead you will just get a close up look at your own hairy genitals for, well, probably about an hour and a half.

Deliverance

Watch it. I don't care if you have to beg, or rob, or even steal it! Do anything, just don't rape someone for it.
Its like a documentary its so authentic, only with a better soundtrack. Except if it was a documentary you wouldn't watch it because it would be too disturbing. So don't ask me how it does it, makes unwatchable shit watchable because its not real but seems so real that it feels unwatchable! BOOM!

Richard Gere

I am a huge Richard Gere fan, huge. It is True that I only try to watch the good Richard Gere films, such as Internal Affairs and An Officer and a Gentleman, from the true golden age of cinema (1986-1993). Although I have seen The Flock, which wasn't very well received, but me (being the biased man that I am) thought Gere carried the entire film effortlessly. Some people can find him to intense, but some people like the twilight saga.
I simply thought that the love for Dicky has been lost in recent years and that people should be reminded his talent and not his nakedness. (And no I'm not gay, at least I don't think so.)

Dick With Fun And Jane

I am the other contributor to this blog, you might know me from the ever successful and extremely popular Vehicle Blog.

I am going to start with what this blog is all about: an actual film review. It isn't a new film and it isn't a good film.

Sunday night rolls around, unsurprisingly, once a week. Once a week on a Sunday night the family and I sit down to watch something on the telly. At the moment we are half way through the third series of what is probably the best comedy show ever, Boston Legal. This week was disrupted as Anna was skiving off and Jack was pretending to have a social life. It was just me and the 'rents and as per usual, as it was Sunday, we had the paper to hand... The Sunday Times (that also comes round once a week, on a Sunday). The Sunday Times is probably the most scathing publication known to man (that is only because I can't really call myself 'published' yet, one letter about what a monumental twat James Martin is in Octane apparently doesn't count). Their one-word or one-line summaries of films in the TV listings usually consist of a smattering of "Unimaginative", "Dull", "Tepid" and "longwinded". So when a film review is suffixed with "Barrel of laughs" and it is actually a Comedy and not a period drama or Vietnam war film you get the impression it is going to be extraordinarily funny.

Well all I can say is that the writers for The Sunday Times Culture supplement are trying to do the world a favor by using sarcasm in their review and giving so called comedy films at least something that people can laugh at. Fun With Dick And Jane is the film that I endured on Sunday. Barrel of laughs it was not. All we could count were three laughs, a dog being given a mild electric shock and two falling over gags. All of which were pretty well executed, so good you see two of them in the trailer (below). Lets be fair though there were three good, albeit a little puerile, gags which is more than can be said for some other so called comedy films.



The rest of the film I don't think I can actually tell you about, I wasn't asleep but I don't think I was fully conscious. I was completely sober just not really... well, paying attention. It is an odd state to be in but it wasn't the first time. There has been three other occasions I can think of where I have slipped into this slightly hypnotic state, all when I have been watching films. Sideways, Lost In Translation and Little Miss Sunshine were the three other films. Coincidently, from memory all of these films were given good reviews and as all these films were actually shit (I don't mean violently shit like The Notebook or American Pie just so amazingly boring) I can only assume this hypnotic state these films induce effects people differently. What it does to most film reviewers is it fools them into thinking these films are good. Whatever it is you can rest assured it doesn't happen to my younger brother Jack or me. So as we both contribute to this blog I think that means this is the only place you can come to for honest advice about what films to go and see communicated through bad punctuation and inconsistent capital letters (well at least from one of us, see previous post.)